Why Buy the Cow

There are some things I can’t wrap my head around.  Why we are still making Left Shark jokes, (…He is a free spirit, so don’t hate…).  Why iPhone spell check changes “On my way home” to “Ottawa homer” (I’ve never even been to Ottawa!  …and who the heck is Homer??).  Why we got only 73 seconds of Eddie Murphy during the 40 year SNL celebration (talk about a quickie…).

Another, most befuddling of all, (and the topic of this post), is why anyone would pay for something you can get elsewhere for free?

There are businesses out there that exist doing just that – offering stuff that you can get for free elsewhere.  It defies all logic and common sense.

Want examples?  I’ve got examples; three to be exact.

Example 1.  Take the subscription-based job search site, The Ladders.

Cute name, and they may have even beat LinkedIn to the $100K+ job search market niche back in 2003, but – boy, has the web changed the art of the job search since then.

Any job seeker with half a brain and a half-assed job hunt can find that the pay job listings can be found elsewhere – for free, people, for free.  You’ve got to be a goat munching happily on a hay bale of hemp straw not to realize you can find those same job posts from The Ladders (or IvyExec, or iHire, for that matter), but for free on Indeed, LinkedIn, or Ziprecruiter.  You can even find The Ladders job postings for free directly on a company’s site with a simple Google search, (…I still ❤ you, Google).

LinkedIn, arguably the only professional social networking site, is getting better and better with job search functionality.  And with nearly 350 million users, the (mostly) free site is the place for job searchers and recruiters, whether actively searching or not.  Check out these stats:

Company	Values
Annual revenue of LinkedIn	$2,219m	Details →
LinkedIn’s net revenue	$643m	Details →
Number of LinkedIn members	347m	Details →
Unique visiting members to LinkedIn (per quarter)	93m	Details →

LinkedIn’s two-click job application kicks The Ladder out from underneath, and while LinkedIn’s people search function needs help (try searching for Juan Perez and you’re just a likely to see Juan Valdez pop up first….one rides a donkey over mountains carrying sacks of coffee and the other is an QA Manager at Starbucks in Miami – slight difference).

Juan Valdez, his donkey, and some coffee

Juan Perez on LinkedIn, May I try the new Flat White Please?

Still, LinkedIn is heads and (donkey) tails ahead (OK, maybe I just wanted to say the word ‘donkey’ again…), of The Ladders in terms of sophistication and functionality for networking and job searching.

Further, apps are nipping at the heals of this market as well, and while I tried Switch (like Tinder but for job hunting) and Poacht (covert job search for the currently employed), I found them underwhelming.

Point being, technology and our smartphone-connected lives open up new possibilities for the insta-job hunt.  Meanwhile, subscription-based models with their “saved searches” get left behind for ad-based models with social, algorithm-based matching.  

1st Takeaway: Find out what new opportunities technology and our smartphone-connected lives open up for your business and find the insta-solution to make your customers lives more awesome (…before someone else does).

Want another example?

OK, sit tight as I take you through one of my favorite head scratchers, Example 2. Angie’s List.  Angie’s List offers reviews of home service professionals, plumbers, electricians and the like.

Now, last I checked, humans are generally social animals.  You mean to tell me that the vast majority of people out there couldn’t ask their friends, families, neighbors, pet sitters, piano teachers… if they know a good electrician?!?!?!?

Not to mention, free online review services are out there at Yelp.com.  Check out this search for electrical contractors, complete with great filtering capabilities:

Yelp Offers Reviews for Free

And, Yelp’s reviews are free!  Free, free, free.  Still can’t beat free.  Both the reviews on Angie’s List and Yelp are from strangers.  So I ask you – why pay for them!?!

Enter HomeAdvisor.  You may have seen their (nearly identical to Angie’s List’s) TV ads recently.  Part of IAC, they have the stones and the budget for a full on Angie-style attack.

Here’s HomeAdvisor’s PPC campaign, attacking poor, dear, old Angie’s paid-subscription model outright:

HomeAdvisor’s Paid Search Ad, bidding on term “Angie’s List”

HomeAdvisor is going right after Angie’s weak core, not only bidding on her brand terms but creating compelling landing pages specifically designed to take poor Angie out.

HomeAdvisor Custom PPC Landing Page – Designed to take Angie Out

2nd Takeaway: Be sure your business offers a sustainable, worthwhile value proposition or you’ll invite competition, who will kick the Angie’s List right out of you.

Example 3. And this was a favorite of mine from 1999-2001 that became a relative fossil a mere decade later, for many of the same reasons as The Ladders and good ol’ Angie – and help me pronounce this one like a true New Yorker – Zagat.

Another review site, this one for restaurants in major cities, again on the dreaded subscription model.  The wannabe user generated content style reviews quickly became the go-to resource for finding restaurants and bars, and then – just as quickly – lost because they became out of touch with what the marketplace and technology was offering.  For Free.

It’s so sad I wrote my own Zagat-style review to commemorate it all:

Zagat   InterContinental/American
Once “the restaurant review and food critic’s darling,” this “has been hot-spot guide” and its “dependably outdated” paid subscription model is as “good as dead.”  Factor in its “why bother to innovate” service and “are-you-kidding me book for $15.99,” and you’ll understand the “early forced retirement” due to “more technologically advanced” competitors on the block.

3rd Takeaway: Today anyone with cash can throw 30 programmers against a consumer problem, copy you, and build a better mousetrap in less than nine months, so objective and comprehensive competitive audits are no longer optional.

So, Why Buy the Cow….
All three examples suffer from the innovate-or-die reality of today, the dreaded subscription (but no value) model, and competitors who have found that since the days of TV advertising are arguably dead, banner advertising can fuel their offering if they can just get enough monthly unique visitors.  Build it and they will come.  So long as the “it” is extremely useful, constantly evolving, and, of course, free.

But don’t cry over spilled milk, dear readers, there are green pastures ahead.  To review, the 3 Takeaways:

1. Find new opportunities to make your consumers’ lives more awesome through technology, mindful of our smartphone-connected lives

2. Continuously offer a worthwhile value proposition to your customers

3. Validate #2 above with comprehensive and objective competitive audits.

You’ll see your glass (of milk) is half full, and worth paying for!

Uber Surges on New Year’s Eve

Uber is hot.  I wrote about Uber’s marketing tactics in July and December of 2013.  They have since proven to be a serious disruptor (…and I’m not saying I’m ahead of the buzz…I’m just sayin’).

Uber’s Marketing Moves Shine

CNBC just can’t stop sweating Uber.  Despite controversies including tracking journalists, allegations of sexual assault around the world, bans from state to state, and rumors of routinely stiffing drivers on tips, Uber has grown to a valuation of over $40 billion dollars.

In terms of tech valuations, Uber is just below Xiaomi and above AirBNB  and Dropbox.  Three years ago, Uber’s valuation was even higher and Jeff Bezos invested.  The latest word is that they will likely go public in 12 – 14 months.

Tech Valuations and even CNBC sweats Uber

In the world of disruptors, they made it.  Uber is The Incredible Hulk of tech start ups.

 

The Incredible Hulk

So enough about boring financial valuations and fictional 70’s super heroes.  Let’s talk marketing.

     <wake up kids or you’ll miss the BEST part!!!!>

     <ok, ok, we are awake now.>

Uber’s success was aided by great execution of 4 P’s of marketing:

1. Price (the king of the 4 P’s)
2. Promotion (Uber also used the lesser known, some argue the fifth P, public relations)
3. Place (a.k.a distribution channel)
4. Product

Today let’s take Price:

Uber’s dynamic, surge pricing model is brilliant.  When it rains, or demand is high, you get a screen that prompts “Demand means fares now will be 1.6x,” and with a double opt-in that follows, it maximizes perception of customer control over pricing.

You hate having to pay, but it’s explained in a logical way and you are clearly the one in the driver’s seat (pun intended).

They announced surge pricing for New Year’s Eve and gave customers tips on how to pay the lowest possible prices (which will likely still be >1.6x).  Check out the below graphic from this morning’s email:

Uber New Year’s Eve Email Communicates Surge Pricing

Surge pricing is even explained on their website.  This pricing model, when executed with transparency, clear communication and the added perception of customer control does two amazing things:

1. It maximizes how markets work.  <Supply and demand, kids…supply and demand.>
2. It maximizes what you will pay.  <Admit it, generally you do pay Uber.  You do pay 1.6x, I know you do.>

They rocked the most important P in the 4P’s of marketing, the king of the 4P’s, the P that drives revenue and margin.

“Surge driving,” might finally have a good reputation.

Who Moved My Coffee?

 

McDonald’s Free Coffee on My Dash (if I had a car)

Let’s be frank.  McDonald’s is not my first choice for coffee.  Coffee is the only legit addiction that won’t lead to a failed random drug test at work and let’s face it – often the best part of a weekday.

Think about it, thanks to the Starbuckization of our great nation, coffee is truly the last socially acceptable work break.  Can’t drink like the Mad Men of old.  Can’t smoke – even at RJR Tobacco’s headquarters anymore.

Coffee is also the only acceptable reason you could call your boss Frankie when he goes by Frank at 8 am….as in, what-happens-when-I-haven’t-had-coffee yet.

McDonald’s had a social contest called #SipandTell where they encouraged consumers to – well, you get it (you wouldn’t be my dear readers if not for your above average IQ….), tell their but-I-haven’t-had-my-coffee-yet stories in exchange for free coffee.

The effort drew the expected UGC (user generated content) and engagement on Twitter: mismatched socks, left my car keys in the fridge – type stuff.

Meh.

Like most social media contests today, it is only interesting to two people:

1) The winner of the contest
2) The marketing folks behind the contest

Anyway – bashing yet another meh social contest was actually not the reason for this post.  All digressions aside, I thought the execution of the latest free coffee effort by McDonalds in mid September was really clever.  Here’s why:

1) McDonald’s chose a trending channel.  Streaming music.  In this case, iRadio.

What’s so great about that?  I thought radio was dead?

Well dear reader, you’d be mistaken.  We don’t download and buy songs from iTunes anymore (…so 2009…).  We are shifting to streaming subscription services (a la Spotify, Pandora).  We use apps.  Free apps with advertising.  iTunes Radio is a native app that plays decent enough music with ads in tolerable frequency.  It looks like this, and if you haven’t tried it, I suggest you do (and stop paying $1.99/song – forever):

iTunes iRadio Button on iPhone

 

 

 

 

 

Back to McDonald’s.  Running their free coffee promo ads on this channel was very smart.  As we all know, it is much easier to ride a wave than swim against it.  For the marketers out there, it means higher ROI than normal, i.e. better bang for buck.

2.) McDonald’s used a clever hook.  They talked about breaking habits. Over a two week period, McDonald’s challenged consumers to break their coffee habit and come to McDonald’s for a free coffee.

Now hold on a second there, didn’t you say it is easier to ride a wave than swim against it?

Dear readers, allow me to explain.  McDonald’s is facing a hard truth about their coffee.  They know, and are basically taking a hard fact head on – McDonald’s isn’t our first choice for coffee.  That’s strong.  And hard to do.  Have you ever heard anyone brag about NOT being #1?

Thought so.

McDonald’s USA Perks Up The Nation With Free Coffee

So the McDonald’s free coffee radio ad spoke to the fact it takes 21 days to break a habit and said that for 14 days McDonald’s is giving away free coffee each morning.  Not a bad hook.  The frequency was enough that I got it.

Not to mention, if you dangle something “Free” in front of me, I drop what I’m doing and run like I’m running from the cops when I was 18, drinking Milwaukee’s Best in my high school football field on a school night, (…am I really the only one)???

Anyway – McDonald’s had a tough Q3, so it’s TBD whether they made a good bet with their second two-week free coffee-a-thon this September.  Some of the effort depends on how much breakfast sales they captured in addition to coffee share.

When you add the word “free,”  at least for me, perhaps coffee is not such a sacred ritual after all.

Perhaps I’m just a cheap bastard, a sucker for free stuff.

Fine.  I can live with that (I’ve been called much worse).

Just don’t touch my coffee.

Bit in the Butt by Easy Marketing

Marketing is easy; We understand our customer, craft a good story and wax poetic about why to buy. And then like Emeril says, “Bam!” …there’s my sales. Done and done.

That’s how it’s done kids, lesson one is O-V-E-R, Over. Over and out.

Still, marketing mistakes can come from not understanding your customer. And since customers are people, they can be complex and challenging beings. (Except for me, naturally. I’m not challenging, I am perfect).

Now I’ll do what marketers do best, and tell ya two lil’ stories (one from my experience, and one currently in the press), where you’ll see how understanding your customer is the keystone of all marketing. Yes, that’s a big statement, and I said it. (Wanna step outside?)

Story 1: From my experience

I was an ecommerce manager when I chose our best seller for the main hero image for the homepage of the site I was running at the time.

How could that be wrong? Simple marketing, right? Common sense, right? I sure as heck would’ve agreed with you at the time. “There’s no way this decision is going to bite me,” I would’ve said confidently.

Well, my best seller was a Bridget Jones-style pair of “the biggest knickers you’d ever seen,” and the only image I had of it was, well a very large butt. A model’s butt, nonetheless when you put that big a piece of fabric on anything, it magnifies it to the scale of a Mount Everest.

Which would be fine if our customers weren’t women, 45+…..looking at our site…at work.

Which, lucky for me, once I showed my VP my genius marketing for the homepage, she only looked at me like I was the first documented case of Ebola in the US, and promptly changed it.

I got bit in the butt (by a large butt, now what are the odds of that?)

So know your customer, or you will get bit.

Story 2: From the press

So you may have seen Lands End took some flack from a free gift of GQ in some customers’ packages. Why would they look a gift horse in the mouth, right? It’s a free magazine (and we all know no one pays for those anymore)!!!

Well, Lands End’s customer is demographically similar to the customer from my story above, probably more concentrated in the Midwest, probably married, owns home, with kids.

So the GQ mag had a mostly topless woman on its cover….Not really what the Midwestern housewife wants (or expects) from her wholesome, preppy, Lands End in the mail.

“Hey Ma – we gotta package at the door, can I open it?!??”

“Why sure Tommy, go ahead, it’s probably your golashes for back to school I ordered, remember the navy ones with the white stripes and the little Kelly green whales on them?”

“Yea-Mom!!! LOOK BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!”

GQ Cover July 2014 – A Bonus for Little Tommy

So there’s no question a seemingly harmless partnership between GQ and Lands End was consummated, and there’s also no question that one or both parties got bit in the ass by this.

There’s nothing wrong with partnership, or free gifts in packages, or magazines, or boobies, for that matter. There’s no question there was no mal intent on either side. There’s also no question that much like my story above the demographics and lifestyles and the likely interactions that the customer would have with the product were overlooked.

It happens. But it doesn’t let us marketers off the hook from understanding our customers, complex and challenging as they might be.

Yes, understanding your customer is the keystone of marketing.

Still wanna step outside?

Desperately Seeking the 3rd Armpit

Naked Reality Show, “Naked and Afraid” on Discovery

These are strange times.  We’ve got naked reality shows and $700 iPhones, but won’t pay $15 for a t-shirt.  The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are back (uhh…why?) and so is Jolly Rancher candy (again – why?).  We’ve got over 56 types of deodorant in CVS.  And now – I beg you – WHY. I stood there in my CVS in front of the wall of neverending roll ons and counted.  Try your nearest Walmart or Target, Duane Reade, Kroger or Wegmans, betcha you’d find over 35 deodorants, and the same neverending wall.

I mean….Is underarm stink really that big of a problem today?  We, unlike some less fortunate areas of the world, have running water, and – as we’ve evolved, most New Yorkers that I ride a crowded subway with each morning shower daily (…with some exceptions noted….Dude, Did you eat a whole stick of pepperoni for breakfast or is that your armpits I smell)?

Why on earth are 56 deodorants needed?  How can I wrap my teeny, itsy, weensy brain around this?  It makes no scents to me (ha! I meant sense.  I hope that pun was worth the fight I just had with spell check).

Let’s approach this from 3 angles:

1.)  As a marketer, I do understand (and bow down to) brand extension as a growth tactic (especially when executed properly).  Take your best SKU and – work it, girl.  Not always innovative, but sometimes lucrative.

2.)  As a retailer, I wonder about carrying 56 different deodorants.  Wouldn’t carrying just 15 different deodorants, for example, make for an easier, faster, (if not more pleasant) shopping experience than carrying 56 different deodorants?

Maybe the sales from 56 deodorants are greater than 15 deodorants, so the increased complexity is worth it.  Think about it: all 56 SKUs have to be managed in terms of inventory and pricing in POS systems and stocked by store staff in EVERY one of CVS’s 7,600 doors.

Maybe it’s the slotting fee revenue that pays….?  C’mon Man, putting slotting fee revenue over the best customer experience just reeks.

3.)  As a consumer, if I need deodorant and without it I will stink, then I’m buying the one (yes, you heard me, dear reader – One.  As in the primary, numero uno, solo, the lowest cardinal number – One!!!) deodorant best for me – whether there are 15 or 56 different deodorants to choose from.  The fact remains that I still only have two armpits.

The US population isn’t growing such that there will be more armpits in the coming years.  So what are we hoping for?  Desperately seeking….the third armpit???  Without the third armpit, I’m likely not to increase my shopping trips or dollars/trip for deodorant.

With U.S. retail traffic stepping down in volume, we could be in for a rough, unpleasant ride.  Where’s the innovation from retail or from brands that will make me more awesome so I willingly change my behavior?  Switch from my favorite brand?

Without innovation, sales are flat.  Is that what the board of directors, all the analysts, private equity, and the market are expecting?

Let’s think, take some risks and innovate then!

In terms of retail service: How about taking the queue out of checkout?  How about an app that tells you where the items you want are located, and then checks them out for you?  How about drive-through drugstores?

In terms of brand innovation: how about a women’s deodorant that makes me have to shave less often?  I’m not trying to grow twin stubble farms under my arms, people – it’s not sexy.  How about men’s deodorant that doesn’t turn white t-shirts yellow in the pits?  I’m not trying to buy new white t-shirts every couple of months, people – it’s not economical.

Otherwise, whether it’s 56 or 15 deodorants – it’s still the same old smell.

A Better Mousetrap

The Heavy Task of Cleaning up Cat Poop

Marketers often work themselves up into a hot, sweaty lather over POS (point of sale) displays.  It shames me to admit this, but I never really got it until a few weeks ago when I saw a display that focused on the messy task of – cleaning up cat poop.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand all the dog people just left….!  Wait, wait!!  Dog people come back!!  I swear I’ll cover some dog-related issue soon.  Like, did you hear about the cross between a bulldog and a beagle that’s sweeping the nation…?  It’s true!!  It’s true!  Google it if you don’t believe me!!

Or, wait, wait, what about the mayor of an affluent California town who was caught on camera leaving a bag of dog dooty on his neighbor’s walkway?!!  Dude, you don’t even have to Google that one, trust it will show up on your news feed any minute now.

Now, now dog people, don’t go!!!  …What about this European kid’s game that is finally having its day in America, the Doggie Doo Game!  Haven’t heard of it?  Feed and walk the little pup, if he makes a mess you clean it up! When you squeeze his leash he makes a gassy sound that gets louder and louder until…….plop. The first one to clean up after the dog three times wins!! (…Or loses, as the case may be….).  Fun for the whole family!!

And since we are talking about poop, back to the POS display on cat poop.  Sounds gross, right?  Nope, totally professionally done.  

However – IF by chance you are now feeling deep disappointment, like you read this deep into this blog, looking, just looking and hoping for some juvenile poop puns, toilet humor and great pooping euphemisms, just click here.

The rest of you marketers of….um, well, ….of…poop (…Oh, come on….Aren’t we all?  At least…on some level…?), please read on.

So since I’ve kept only the cat people and marketers of poop still reading, I think we can all agree that poop is generally heavy stuff.  And the actual litter always feels heaviest when you are hauling it home from the grocery store, along with other extremely dense household products, like, say, a 64 oz jug of liquid Tide, a one-lb bag of flour, 2 lbs of chicken, three 34 oz boxes of beef broth, three 2-liters of Pepsi and a 175 oz box of Cascade dishwashing powder.  It might just be my own grocery list (and I don’t even have kids!!!), but I’m tired just thinking about hauling it all home.

How better to introduce Tidy Cat Lightweight Litter than to, quite literally, hold it up against the weight of regular litter?!?!!  Check it out!

Tidy Cat Hawks their new LightWeight Litter in Kmart

These savvy marketers set up the POS so you can literally “Lift it to Believe…” the difference between normal litter and their new LightWeight version.  It’s also got all the subtext that leads you to believe that it’s just as effective as your normal heavier litter (clumping, odor controlling, dust free).

All that might be missing is a tear pad with a coupon.

But, since these are savvy poop marketers we are talking about, I’d bet that it wasn’t an omission to leave out coupons.  These folks are probably confident that they have a better mousetrap, so you won’t be catching any coupons here.  At least not until Fresh Step steps in it….and there’s your pun.

Enter the 99%

Is nothing new?  Godzilla is back….which is just to say that the lowest-risk piece of entertainment today turns out to be…an old piece of entertainment.  Grumpy cat is back…but with a summer hairdo.  And the rich get richer…as the 1% has a 101% say.

Big companies are no longer cool.  Google and Apple are now big companies at the top of the Fortune 500.  You don’t even need Pythagorean theorem to solve that one.

Marketers scramble to understand the end of Blackberry and the end of downloading songs for $1.99 from iTunes.  Then, those same marketers continue to…advertise on cable TV…blast mass emails…spend millions on print…in the old gray lady…!??!   Like ESPN says,  “C’MON MAN!

Too bad it’s not football season

Then in early March, the menswear brand Gents did a new, cool thing.  Teamed up with a cool thing.  To offer a cool thing.  In a cool way.

Limited Edition Men’s denim.

OK, that’s cool, but NOT new – C’MON MAN!

Fine, fine, fine, take it easy there, Tiger.  You might pop a vein or something.

Crowdfunded, Limited-Edition Men’s Denim.

C’MON MA– wait whaaaa???

Well, thank you dear reader, with your kind permission, I will continue….

Gents is a company about baseball hats.  Nondescript, simple baseball hats, worn only by celebs up until the last several years.  I’m talking Madonna, Leo DiCaprio, Bradley Cooper, Charlize Theron.  Not no-talent ass clowns like the Jersey Shore cast or Judge Judy.

Gents figured out to expand quickly they had to get beyond the 1% (the 1% who have a 101% say).  They decided to extend their brand.

Brand extension, dear readers, is when you take your brand, (because it is already very strong with significant awareness), and extend it to like categories.  Think Febreze room fresher goes household candles and car vents.  Think Allegra allergy medicine does Allegra Anti-Itch Allergy cream.

So Limited-Edition Men’s Jeans.   OK, not that big a stretch from baseball caps.  Not new.

What IS new and cool is the HOW, not the WHAT.

Gents started their limited edition men’s denim line via Kickstarter by inviting brand enthusiasts to pledge money for the project in exchange for the first pairs off the line six months before the jean launches this fall.  The pair would be signed, of course, and sold at the discounted wholesale price of $150.

Gents, Lookin’ Good

Heard of Kickstarter?  Me neither.  I was as utterly confused and clueless as the guy in the Gents ad above, and was embarrassed to find out they are a crowdfunding platform that’s been around since 2009.  Not new.

Kickstarter gathers money in the form of pledges from the public (via Amazon Payments, who, not surprisingly, takes a 3 – 5% cut) to fund inventive projects over a short time frame to circumvent traditional investment sources.  Cool, right?

Cool.

What’s also cool is that they promise to maintain total project ownership by the project’s founders.   The Gents Denim goal was $5K, they made $23K (check it out here). Kickstarter allowed this innovation to flower.  The exclusive email that Gents sent to a limited group of their brand advocates went viral.  New, and cool.

Are we finally having our own Renaissance in 2014?!?

No, dear reader, don’t get carried away.  This is simply good marketing, smart brand extension, with a little exclusivity and power to the in-the-know masses, in an age when the 1% has the 101% say.  Finally the 99% can make one small, meaningful vote for what goes forward.

Well, at least maybe 10% of the 99%.  It’s a start.

GM: Lemon(ade) for Sale?

With the GM ignition defect situation, GM passed on turning a crisis management situation into a PR opportunity the size of J&J’s Tylenol recall in 1982.

After poisoning and killing seven Tylenol consumers, J&J took the high road.  They swiftly pulled all Tylenol product off retail shelves, costing the company a huge loss in the short term but ultimately creating such goodwill in the long term that J&J is held up as the Mother Theresa of crisis management in business schools.   In the Tylenol case, the poisoning was a case of insufficient control and safety procedures for a kind of malicious terrorism not yet seen at that time.

GM’s situation is different. It is possible, and under investigation, that management decisions repeatedly put profit ahead of human safety.  Deaths due to the defect have been quoted to number from 13 to 303.  It is reported that the fix cost $0.57 per car.  Many GM models and brands were affected: Chevrolet Cobalt, Saturn Ions, Pontiac G5s, Pontiac Solstices and Chevrolet HHRs.

The vehicle defect allows the ignition to be turned off and the power steering and the airbag system disengaged WHILE THE CAR IS BEING DRIVEN.  GM initially responded with a series of incentives to get affected owners into another new GM vehicle or rental car for 30 to 45 days while repairs are made. The incentive to get affected consumers into a new GM car is $500.

I’m no car junkie, but doesn’t GM have a other auto brands?  GMC, Buick and Cadillac, to name a few?  Why wasn’t there a BIGger response immediately? They have tons of cars in inventory right?  I’m not suggesting free cars to affected GM car owners…but maybe close.  A big statement like 100% of your purchase price of your Cobalt towards another GM car?   Not a popcorn fart like a $500 incentive.

Or learn from J&J: Put consumer safety first, and if we screw that up, then act fast with a BIG fix.   There have since been a number of GM recalls since the story broke, one the eve of Mary Barra’s testimony to Congress on this defect looks extremely reactionary.  In total, GM has recalled 6 million vehicles.  I don’t need to elaborate on the impact to GM stock:

In the realm of risk management, there are less sure bets out there.  J&J has already set the example with their swift recall – their share of the $1.2 billion analgesic market was recaptured only one year after the poisonings.  The positive brand halo effect after J&J’s response to the Tylenol poisoning debacle has carried on for decades.

GM could’ve turned lemons into lemonade.  They could have bumped J&J from their exalted position in the crisis management Hall of Fame by immediately responding in a BIG way to this BIG problem.

A quick, appropriately BIG response, a little marketing and who knows…?  It all could have been made so much sweeter for GM, their investors and their consumers.

Jingle Balls and Beers

Connecting advertising to the holidays in a natural and entertaining way is tougher than surviving the current polar vortex without Thinsulate.

Kmart’s ad for Joe Boxer is a clever performance not short on jingle bells…and (chest)nuts roasting by the open fire. The lack of fluid rhythm shown reveals these men are either a) clearly heterosexual (yes, that’s a stereotype, I recognize this is not always the case…just stay with me people…),  2) uncomfortable enough with the movements required by the performance that the pay must be good enough to avoid any PTSD and quickly get over it.

“Show Your Joe,” is not only entertaining, but smart, because it doesn’t allow you to forget the product, brand or – where to get it. It’s colorful, funny and creates a natural connection to the gifting season – for a product that has nothing to do with the holidays…short of being a decent stocking stuffer (but for your boyfriend, not your brother…#AWKward).

The second ad has been a perennial favorite since 1982. Now, there is genius in something that a) has that kind of longevity and b) is run by folks smart enough to leave a good thing alone.  Clearly these marketers recognize a good thing and are secure enough in their own selves to avoid the temptation to mark their territory by changing it – resisting the temptation to pee their own names in the snow.

It’s the Corona ad showing the palm tree strung up in Christmas lights at night. A familiar holiday tune is whistled, and instantly you are relaxed and looking forward to holiday cheer. It feels more like a holiday PSA than a beer ad. And what does beer have to do with Christmas?

Absolutely nothing. Just another drinking occasion in the form of a holiday…made to feel merry because of its genius execution…

Cheers to that.

Why That Guy isn’t a Tool

So often in marketing you see the classic struggles: selling features vs benefits, man vs nature, man vs machine, man vs the in-laws, man vs the Saran Wrap, (don’t even pretend it never happens to you).

I pretend as well. I pretend there is no struggle at all, that I’ve got the sale already in the bag. Then I was recently asked to come up with the top ten reasons someone should buy from my company. Great heritage, bam. Largest selection, ba-zing. Best customer service, boo-yah. I’m on a roll and thinking I’m one of the smartest guys in the room because I’ve banged out all ten reasons in 25 seconds.

The problem, dear reader, is that all this navel-gazing winds up being so self-congratulatory that pretty soon I’m staring through my own belly button like it is Google glass, blinding myself to the small fact that a sale requires a consumer after all.

Who? A consumer? One of free will? No! 

One of intelligence, sound mind, and the ability to judge both utility and value…!?!!!
Yes. That Guy.

What do my top ten reasons to buy from my company have to do with that guy? 

Nothing.

Exactly. Nothing. All my chest-pounding really did was convince That Guy I’m a tool. He says “So what?”  None of it helps him become more awesome, it helps me become more awesome. So what is right.
It becomes obvious when I step into the consumer’s shoes and become That Guy…which becomes easy because we just established I’m a tool.

I buy because it saves me time (or money), because the experience is fun, or because the product or service makes me more awesome. Why would I be any different from That Guy?

This is why there’s an “Easy Button.” This is why “Red Bull gives you Wiings,” and why when you use Angie’s List you “hire right the first time.”

It’s not the features, dear reader. The benefits are where the game is at and now – I finally “get” That Guy.

Don’t call it a Chromebook, It’s been here for years

I just finished saying how strong sound can be in marketing when this great ad by Google came blasting out of my TV during NFL Monday night football’s commercial breaks (thank god for TV time, these games are too long, and are two days of every week reeeeeeally necessary?!!?).  Anyhow, the song is amazing, that caught my ear.  The engaging graphics, they caught my eye.  I mean, using Power Rangers Megazord (I don’t even know what that is, I had to look it up) to illustrate virus protection is genius.  Especially when edited to the beat of the music.  Judge for yourself:

It’s called “For Everything: Built-In,” which I have to say, doesn’t do the ad (or the product) justice.  IMHO.  The ad is great.   It explains in an entertaining way how it makes your life more awesome, and hers, and his, and….for everyone???  Yes, young Jedi, everyone.

I’ve found spots from the same campaign running as early as December of 2012 by agency Mullen and they were… OK.   This latest artistic production casts such a large shadow that the old ones will soon be hard to find.

I’m amazed that the Chromebook has been around that long…this is the first I’m hearing of it?   Maybe this is the first time an ad for it has effectively cut through the clutter.   Maybe the damn thing was doomed by its meh-meh name.  Chromebook??  Who wants a book made of chrome?  

Anybody?  

Anybody?
Didn’t think so.  Sounds heavy.  Cold to the touch.  Very old, dare I say…dead.  Nothing like a computer that’s not a computer but brings all the best of a computer (the web) with none of its worst (PC-like prerequisites: virus protection, 5-minute boot ups, endless updates, never-ending patches, never enough document storage, losing your documents, expensive software).

Revolutionary!

Instead of harping on the negativity of what we’ve begrudgingly accepted as the norm (as this Old Chromebook Ad from 12/12/12 did), this new ad sings with the happier times ahead because of the revolutionary new Chromebook.

And at $279, it’s for Everyone.  Yeah.

Note to Microsoft: This is America

If you think this is going to be a blog post slamming Microsoft…..Um…you’d be right.  I bought a Lenovo IdeaPad with ……(just end my life now)…Windows 8.  

This is what window dressing looks like

We thought about getting a Mac instead of a PC.  The sole reason we ultimately made the unfortunate decision to go with a PC is because I do a ton of work in MS Excel.  I’m an Excel geek.  And as many of you dear readers know, Microsoft decided to provide the short bus version of Excel to Mac.  Buttons aren’t in the same place as on a PC, it’s slow as hell and I’d swear Mac Excel is missing very basic functionality available in PC Excel.  I’d swear to that because I couldn’t find it.  If it had been a Pavlovian experiment it would have ended with me throwing the machine on the floor and dancing on it, screaming with my arms in the air like a Rhesus monkey.

Oh, but that’s not all I hate about my new PC:

1. Windows 8 is mere window dressing devised cover up the fact that all Microsoft hasn’t had a new idea since 1995.  The open screen is a NetVibes rip off and only serves to frustrate the user.  Because again, you can’t find what you need and nothing is where you’d expect it to be.

2. Our brand spankin new computer came with tons of preloaded garbage on it we didn’t want.  And I’m having a hard time removing all the crap.  I mean, if I spend >$1,100 on a new machine, don’t load it up with your crap.  Please.  When I buy something new I expect it to come de-crapped.  

What crap, you ask?  Crap that pops up when I’m trying to work that tries to get me to buy other crap.  Pop ups that persistently block part of what I’m working on…..pop ups I can’t close.  McAfee Security, Severe Weather Alerts, eBay, Speed Up my PC, Nitro Pro 8, just to name a few.  

Speed up my PC!!!!  Really!?!?!  I just bought this freakin’ machine new and I am going to need “Speed up my PC!!!”  Yeah, sadly, because Microsoft loaded so much garbage on my new machine due to their numerous “partnerships” I might actually need Speed Up my PC.  They should’ve just called it “Speed up my NEW PC.”

3.  I like Google.  This is America.  I should be free to choose the browser of my choice.  But god help me on this machine every time I go to Google, the piece of crap sends me back to Bing.  Dammit man, I want to use Google.  Google toolbar then mysteriously turns into a yahoo search bar complete with flashing ads on the sides.  No, maybe you didn’t hear me: I WANT TO USE GOOGLE.  I go into settings change it as my default browser.  Again back to Bing.  This is so unAMERiCAN.  I want to use Google.  Bing!  I feel like Charlie Brown getting constantly duped by Lucy…ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Shame on you Microsoft.  You can’t expect people to fall for this and continue to buy your stuff.  Marketing Rule 437: Don’t ever assume your consumers are stupid.  You can’t hold us Excel geeks hostage to your horrible PC antics listed above. This is America, and we vote with our dollar.   And this is the last dollar Microsoft will EVER get from this Excel geek.

k! Cups, (Campbell’s + Keurig)!

Some combinations are cleverly done and can revive ho-hum products to drive volume.   A few successful 80’s throwback combinations for you: Playtex bras added comfort gel found in shoe inserts into shoulder straps and Reebok added air pumps to sneakers.   Keurig (spelling “Keurig” makes my head pulsate) and Campbell’s may have forged a worthy partnership with their to-be-released Soup K-cup packs.

Soup K-Cup packs?!?!  Kah-ka-ka-Crazy!

Soup + Coffee quickly yields utter confusion in my tiny brain that makes thick mucus build up in the back of my throat.  I’m not sure I want those two consumables marinating together in any way.  Once this minor psychologically negative gastronomic reaction is out of the way, Campbell’s Keurig K-cups do make some practical sense.

I have a Keurig at my office and I love it.  It’s quick, easy, and brews a great single cup of the “nectar of the (caffeine) gods” in a few minutes.  I love soup; it’s a quick and healthy low-calorie snack.  So why not Campbells + Keurig?

At its core, we are talking about pre-portioned hot, flavored liquid, right?  So why not use the same machine for coffee and for soup?  Unlike other incredibly weak and stupid brand partnerships I’ve sounded off on here, (which only mirror Triassic-era suckerfish in their sophistication), the Campbell’s/Keurig partnership is symbiotic.  Campbell’s breathes new life into soup with a truly new packaging and usage option (isn’t that just what modern humankind really needs??).  And the Keurig now becomes useful for an entirely new category: food.   If successful, this could mean more volume for Campbell’s with incremental distribution….coming soon to keurig.com, starbucks.com, coffeeforless.com!!!  OMG, dear marketer, watch your blood pressure – the excitement, I know, is overwhelming.

But what if we can’t stomach the cacophonous sound of percolating….soup…from a…Keurig…?  We just need to be as imaginative and open-minded as the product development folks that came up with this partnership in the first place.  They can do it, the question is…can we?

Suddenly You’d want to go to Beaverton.

I’m always completely desperate for gift ideas for my husband’s birthday so when a Nike Fuel Band was suggested by a coworker I was primed for purchase.  Our anniversary, Christmas, Valentine’s Day & his birthday all fall within the same mess-my-budget-up completely span of a few months each year so price really wasn’t a consideration at that point (thank god I don’t have to do quarterly earnings calls on my household state of affairs or price would have been a consideration). 

I have many thoughts about the Nike Fuel Band (I’m sure you are shocked, dear reader).  Today I’m going to focus on: 1) How Nike Fuel band is awesome, 2) How Nike could make it more awesome.  3) How Nike doesn’t give a hoot about making it more awesome because they are Nike and they are awesome so they don’t have to.

1) How it is awesome.  So we all need our little bits of encouragement.  This thing basically take’s Pavlov’s experiment to the human phase and crosses the digital divide.  It gives you constant, real time, on-your-wrist-thereby-in-your-face feedback.  Millennials love that stuff (Gen Xers do too they just don’t like to admit it).  You control your goals (everyone loves control) and you get a little digital guy (Fuelie) to do a jig for you when you achieve.  Magnificent.  May I have a cookie too please?

2) How Nike could make it more awesome.  My husband is a serious swimmer so waterproofing the sucker would make it more awesome.  How hard is it? We have waterproof cameras, watches and now smartphones; this isn’t new technology, people.  The real juice when I put my marketer hat, er, swim cap, on is in the rewards.  That’s what really make people use it and love it.  Sure, it helped that Nike stole a page out of Apple’s playbook on the simplicity of the design so the thing doesn’t look like a nerd-alert watch calculator.  But I’m talking about rewards people.  Bigger than Fuelie’s jig.  Think big.  

So there are all these faux professional athletes out there who take working out very seriously.  We’ve all seen how big marathons and triathlons have gotten over the past five years. There are also all these Nike-lovers out there right.  Who isn’t a Nike lover?  Never bad to wear a swoosh, is it?  My point, dear readers, is that what if Nike gave rewards, big, public badges at an invite-only Annual Summit held in Beaverton for the highest point holders, longest streaks, etc.  Public recognition, public badging, people.  By. Nike.  Nike could give out yellow Post-Its as the actual awards at the Summit and everyone would still want one as if it were a yellow jersey, people. Invites more sought after than to the TED Conference.  Suddenly everyone wants to go to Beaverton.  What!?!

3) How Nike doesn’t give a hoot about making the fuel band more awesome because they are Nike and they are awesome so they don’t have to.  That’s really the point people.  Nike is a strong enough brand they don’t have to give away or create anything.  But it would be smart if they did.  Suddenly you’d want to go to Beaverton, too. 

Wah Waaah into Cha Ching

Apple’s products define beauty and simplicity in design. So why does the Apple iTunes U/X suck so horribly?!?

I enjoy my music, just like everyone does. However, making me use iTunes to buy music is like way finding as a one-legged dog in the woods at night wearing an eyepatch. Painful. Frustrating. Not the way to drive conversion, people. And at $1.99 per song you need big volume.

They must know this at Apple. They are product development geniuses!!! The unfortunate thing is that Apple doesn’t suffer from the poor U/X on iTunes. The music industry does. The poor, beaten down, still searching for a viable business model music industry. Wah waaah. Why don’t they work on a better iTunes. It’s not a high bar that they’d have to achieve. Cha Ching.